Tuesday, February 02, 2010

A Cool Million

I've long since retired from playing video game baseball. When you dominated as much as I did in Triple Play 2001, there's no need to bore yourself any further. How much did I dominate? Not only did I win numerous World Championships, I personally threw five perfect games. Not only did I have talent, I had moxy. I charmed everyone with my post-game press conferences - I would always apologize to Padre fans for now supporting the only team to never throw a no-hitter, deep down beling relieved the Mets weren't relegated to the infamy. But like I said, I'm retired. Now I spend my days working on my Tiger Woods PGA Tour '10 game, and going home to The Sims: Urban Numbness.

But last week I got the itch again when 2K Sports announced that the first person who throws a perfect game in Major League Baseball 2K10 before May 2nd picks up a cool million dollars. But you need to videotape it. And you can't cheat. That last part I'm only assuming; technically nowhere in the rules does it say "do not cheat".

Another rule I didn't read was, "No custom players are eligible." I found that interesting, because my white whale was always throwing a perfecto as a pre-existing, mortal pitcher. Sure, I was able to throw those five perfect games as myself, with my 100 rated fastball, 100 slider and 95 change-up (I tried to be as accurate to my actual skill set as possible), but never as a "normal", "not as handsome" pitcher. But, we all have our "I came close once" stories. The following is mine:

One afternoon I played as Pedro Martinez and the Boston Red Sox while Charley countered as Randy Johnson and the Arizona Diamondbacks. It was 1-0 Sox in the bottom of the sixth. Two outs. Randy Johnson batting. I had retired the first 17 batters to face me, but I wanted to conserve some energy. I decided that instead of throwing three fastballs for a strikeout, I'd just throw a change-up inside that Randy/Charley would swing at for an easy ground out. I threw it right where I wanted it to, and that son of a bitch Johnson hit a nubber down the third base line. He ran out an infield hit! I took care of the next 10 batters with ease for a complete game one-hit shutout. By "with ease" I meant "with ease and a lot of anger". If only I didn't let Charley be the home team, playing without designated hitters and giving Johnson a chance to bat in the first place. (We were at HIS house after all. How redundant!) If only Randy Johnson didn't bat right-handed even though he threw lefty. Seriously why? Seriously.

I hope that whoever takes advantage of my retirement and wins this million dollar contest is a Met fan, using a Met pitcher in the accomplishment. Since I'm not available, I would suggest playing as Johan Santana. The guy is not only a member of the Elite Pitchers Club, he's a charming media-friendly fellow who would hold an entertaining and gracious press conference, San Diego Padres be damned.

No comments: